Well--it's been almost 19 months since my last post. Did you miss me? Nah--I know.
Since my last post, a number of things have happened in my life, and I've allowed them to derail my artistic efforts. That's right--I've ALLOWED myself to be distracted and divert my attention away from making art--indeed--even sewing or quilting anything! I haven't been in my studio, save for making a few pairs of earrings or to iron table linens, for months!!
A few things have been significant: The birth of my first grandchild, Lukas Brian! The death of my father, Benedikts (here they are together last year.) My mother-in-law, Juta also died earlier this year. The growth of our business (good news!) The deterioration of the condition of my back, despite an attempt at physical therapy this summer.
All these events and conditions have served to frustrate and distract.
The family issues have come to close, with the resolution of estates and probates, so I can put that behind me. Our computer business is humming along nicely with the addition of new employees and some new management software, so all is well there. My back...well it's still a pain in the arse, but with more PT and some weight loss, I can live with it.
I also kind of dropped out of the Milwaukee Art Quilter's Group. I love the concept of all these great fiber artists getting together to do group challenges and show their work--but the deadlines for the challenges and show were killing me. And this is driving me crazy!
On one hand, I like having deadlines--they force me to have a bit of discipline in finishing some art. On the other hand--they've becoming quite stressful for me, so I've just let them go by without making anything!
(I did make a commitment to finish one challenge so that it can be shown with all the others at the Wisconsin Quilt Museum this coming winter--I will definitely finish that!)
Anyway--this goes back YEARS! I have started and not finished probably dozens (DOZENS!) of projects. Is it that I have no discipline? Am I afraid of finishing for some reason? Are the things I make not good enough? Am I just nuts?
I just don't know.
What I do know is that I better do SOMETHING or I really will go nuts. I have a need, as all artists do, to express myself through fabric, painting, something. Many years ago, I read "The Artist's Way" and did alot of the exercises to bring out the artist in me. I don't remember a lot of it, but I do recall that our art ebbs and flows. There are times when you are filling your vessel, and times when you are pouring it out.
I've been filling my vessel for a couple years now, and I am ready to let it flow out. With some self-discipline and some serious studio time, I can make art. I can.
Meanwhile--here are just a couple pics I've taken over the last 18 months to inspire some art in me:
I love the photo of your grandson with your dad. How precious!
ReplyDeleteMy quilt guild had their show this year and I had nothing new that I could enter... We only do shows every other year. I didn't even go to see the show, either and haven't even seen the calendar that was done with member's quilts and one of mine is in it. I did try to keep up with a postcard exchange group and joined an ATC exchange group which kept me doing a little art here and there.
I think I have asked most of those questions myself... It's amazing how we can allow what life throws at us keep us from our art therapy when we need it most.... I really hope that the PT helps with your back!
Toni, with the loss of your father and M-I-L and the caregiving role that probably preceded these, you were handling life's events and responsibilities like family members do. We often put our own health in jeopardy for a time. At times like these, we have to realize that our art will be back to meet our own needs when that time is right.
ReplyDeleteI had total knee replacement 6 months ago and lost my husband 3 months ago and am trying to find my new identity after 57 years of being Mrs. My faith and friends and art are my allies now more than ever. I wish you luck in pouring yourself into your art after a period of filling your vessel! This is a beautiful analogy.
Martha Ginn in Mississippi
Grandchildren are so dear. I am happy you are working again.
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